Tidbits, Thoughts, and Things Better Left Unsaid: Bite Your Tongue!

There are more people on the planet at this moment than at any other time in history. The space between us is shrinking, both literally and figuratively. I look around and it seems that every square inch of land is being built upon and occupied by grand housing developments and apartment complexes. Homeowners with enough free land will build a house right in their back yard, squeezing yet another family onto the block. If you’re an apartment dweller, you no doubt have at least one roommate (if not several) and others who live above and/or below you. Yet, as physically close as we humans get, I’m weary of how disconnected we are as a whole.

In this new millennium we can communicate in any way imaginable. We have Blackberries and iPhones and instant messaging and texting and Facebook and Twittering: blah, blah, blah. Everybody’s tweeting and nobody’s talking. Heaven knows we could simply pick up the damn phone now and again, but who the hell does that anymore? Take a personal inventory: we’re all crammed so tightly together, but when’s the last time you just popped by someone’s place to say an informal hello? Do you know your neighbors? Do you even want to?? The fact of the matter is that with all this advanced communicating we’ve developed, I’m noticing there is a breakdown in how we actually relate to one another. With that comes a whole host of problems, because if you can’t relate to somebody you probably don’t consider their feelings or needs. And you certainly don’t feel responsible for them. Inequities in our day-to-day dealings invariably come up, and they require concessions on the parts of all involved.

But what if nobody wants to back down? What becomes of a society stressed to the max in this crowded, dog-eat-dog world - where time spent together as a community is mainly routed through the internet? I fear we are losing touch with our ability to personably commune with one another, and proper or even congenial behavior is becoming a dinosaur of the past.

I’ll give you an example, one we can all relate to: road rage. You can put a perfectly respectable person behind the wheel of an automobile and watch all their manners completely crumble to bits. I guess when you’re in a car it is easier to rage out on somebody; the car holds us captive in it’s safe little bubble and we spit out obscenities we would be unlikely to say in a face-to-face conflict. We are rude, discourteous and entitled drivers. We speed, cut people off, don’t stop for pedestrians, and languish in front of ambulances – all because, presumably, wherever we are headed is far more important than wherever the “Other” is headed. We are running late perhaps, or maybe think we had the right of way, or we’re stuck in merging traffic.

Assuming that everyone on the road pays taxes, the road actually belongs to all of us (surprise!)…and I’m pretty sure the topic of sharing was a hot one at everyone’s pre-school. Is it time for a review of some basics? My point here is…what ever happened to the “thank-you”? You know, the little wave that people used to give that signals to your fellow driver that you appreciate them? No one seems to do it anymore and I’m not ashamed to say I miss that tiny flick of the wrist. Call me old fashioned, but the general lack of good manners marks the demise of courteous and orderly driving.

In fact, good manners and courteous behavior seems to be on the outs in all facets of life. One look at the media’s fascination with celebrity stalking and you get a good sense of public interest that has passed interesting and become absurdly perverse. The incessant babble about weight fluctuations and fashion faux-pas has gone way too far – at what point did it become necessary to report on the dietary whims and sibling rivalry of the Kardashian sisters? Is this information I need? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say “no” – and for those who think that celebrities love all that negative press simply because it’s press, well…I’m betting all the careless gossip effects them quite badly. What happened to the value of one’s word?

Words are powerful things, they can cast spells and ruin lives – it is important, therefore, to be impeccable with our words. Use them to create something loving, productive or kind and the energy of the world around you will be a reflection of that. Use them to manipulate, deceive, or create senseless drama and your world will surely reflect back exactly what you have created. (Makes me wonder if those tabloid journalists are very happy…)

Speaking of celebrities, how about Kanye West as a sparkling example of inappropriateness? The guy practically shoved Taylor Swift off stage at the MTV Video Music Awards last week. And for what? This is not the first time West has embarrassed himself like this, and it’s a lot like my whole driving example where someone who is a perfectly intelligent human being suddenly short-circuits and becomes this raging idiot. A little impulse control goes a long way, and this is yet another example of the world’s short supply.

I bring up Kanye as an example because we can all relate this into our own non-televised worlds. Let’s face it: he certainly didn’t invent the art of hassling his peers. Too often when our colleagues do well at work we sneer, judge, and pick them apart – usually behind that person’s back. The success of a co-worker invariably puts them up for judgement by the whole, which instead of genuinely wishing someone well will eagerly tear them down. “She didn’t deserve that promotion”, or “He only got there because he knows someone” is an all-too-common reaction.

We live in troubled times, and the hostility and anger within folks seems to bubble inappropriately up to the surface more and more. I get it: people have problems. I know – I have problems too. Yet time and again I am seeing examples of folks who somehow think that their pain is different, somehow more important than mine. A sense of privilege develops around a person who uses their pain as a crutch for self-victimization. Apparently, some folks believe that the problems that have developed in their life arose through absolutely no fault of their own, but occured through a series of actions by others who have “done” something to them. These “hurt” souls can never be appeased, at least not while they hold on to the idea that it is the outside world that creates their pain. Every action, word, slight is taken as a direct insult, and the “victim” reacts defensively, ready to fight: sometimes quite literally!! The problem with this is that now the pains of the “Other” must be taken out on someone (you, me), and consequently becomes my problem as well. Whew. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate.

Call me old fashioned, but I enjoy the congenial exchange of pleasantries with others. Even perfect strangers will get a nod of acknowledgement or a “hello” from me. I get a lot of strange looks from people who want nothing to do with me, even for a brief second – but I don’t let that stop me. It is too easy to get caught up in my own thoughts and feelings as I trudge through my day, never looking up to notice others around me. I see things, I notice people and although I’m in a rush, I pause throughout to enjoy the beauty taking place all around me. Because it is there, the beauty – just because it goes largely unnoticed does not mean it fails to exist. I see lots of other stuff too: clerks at check-out counters who don’t even look up when I arrive, never mind actually speak to me…gas station attendants who barely approach my window to ask me what I want, forcing me to crane my neck out behind me and shout to him at the back of my car…fellow drivers who lavish me with their pent-up rage…”friends” and associates who share tales thinly veiled as concern, speaking words about me that are simply not true.

Can I blame technology for these relational woes? Not really…I feel blessed to have so many options to reach out to the world. Honestly, how could I knock it as I’m sitting here typing up my blog? What sucks is getting so wrapped up in the text that we forget about the realness of the people who are behind the profile page. I just hope we haven’t forgotten how to really “LOL” – at each other and our selves. Lighten up a bit, take it easier on one another; maybe even give somebody else the right of way once in a blue…

Whatever the matter, I simply will not let the craziness get to me. I have to take responsibility for my own actions and feelings, and I refuse to allow my days to be ruined because of any outside force. I control my reactions to things, and ultimately, it is me who is in charge of my own happiness. I love Facebook, but I love the people I’ve connected with even more. I let Facebook be the vehicle, but I am the driver. I am truly grateful for all the people I have been able to personally “pop in” on as a result. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go update my status.